How much difference two weeks can make

Tomorrow marks the two week anniversary of potty training Ruben. This is how I felt on Day Three of potty training.
"Well, we've been stuck at home for three days now and Ruben has peed on the potty a lot. However, he's also peed other places a lot. And we've sat on the potty a lot without any success. We've read countless books and the bathroom smells horribly like urine but seriously, what is the point of cleaning a bathroom while you're potty training a two year old boy. It is not as if it is going to stay clean. I've been peed on once myself, and I've done a buttload of laundry. He only has 10 pairs of undies and I'm pretty sure I have to do laundry every day to keep up. I think I'll just put the kid back in diapers and try again in a few months. I just don't have the energy to put myself through any more days like this. I've been in public looking more disheveled than I have ever let myself be. I wrote a note to Karl declaring that I was 'unfit for adult interaction during potty training.' I'm pretty sure Ruben will never pee on the potty. He'll go off to college wearing diapers for sure."

Things really felt that bad. By one week into potty training, I'm at least able to go out in public without full on panic attacks about how frequently my son is peeing on the floor. Truthfully, he's only had two accidents in public. Once at the church picnic, so at least we were outside. The other time was at the library and it was not a convenient pee accident. I'll leave it at that. An unfortunate side of potty training has been Ruben's regression in the speech and language department. In fact, he has thrown some of the largest tantrums I have ever witnessed from any child (even those kids in the grocery store whose parents you feel so sorry for). Something doesn't go his way and while he's able now to control his bladder, he is unable to control his emotions. This high pitched scream echoes around the neighborhood (because of course the window are open) for what seems like eternity. There is no reasoning with him because I'm pretty sure he can't hear me over the yelling. If I try to physically restrain him, the screams actually get louder even though I thought that wasn't possible. I tried ignoring, time out, whispering, yelling, reasoning, bribing. Seriously folks, if I would have been at the grocery store, you would have looked at me with so much condescension. The funny part was that the tantrums ended as abruptly as they began. Not one lasted more than 5 minutes but those short minutes drained a day's worth of energy from already frazzled parents.

But that was last week. Now this is how I feel.
"Gosh, that wasn't that bad. Last night he even wore undies to bed and had no trouble staying dry through the night. It is slightly embarrassing that he has chosen the code word "poop" to mean he has to go potty. I mean so far he's used it mostly at home, but soon I'm sure we'll be somewhere (like church) and he'll feel the urge and so comfortably yell out "POOP!!" By the way, he can only yell this word with an intense sense of urgency. But only one accident in the last four days. Not too shabby."

It is amazing how much difference two weeks can make. I've always said that potty training is mostly about training the parents to respond to the kid and just a little about teaching the kid to actually go on the potty. There are so many exciting things in life to distract a two year old from his own bodily urges. By next week I'm sure I'll have completely forgotten how hard these last two weeks have been. We'll carry on until the next stage surprises us with its complexity. (I might add as well that the bathroom has still not been cleaned. I'm looking for another good excuse)

Equal amounts of sincerity and sarcasm

My life right now is amazing. I say this right now with equal amounts of sincerity and sarcasm. My life is amazing. We have three amazing kids and we spent the weekend at the Lake with the other Fays and came back refreshed and rejuvenated. Iris is still amazingly perfect. She's fussy at times but mostly for good reason - like mom is totally ignoring me because I've been too perfect! June has started school and loves it and I'm really loving it too. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel, but I knew for sure that June was ready to have a teacher that wasn't me. The way she idolizes teachers is almost funny. We've worked on identifying numbers for a while now, but today she came home from school and pointed out 1-5 on a poster like no one had ever explained that to her before. Goodness sakes kid. And Ruben is getting so big as well. His vocabulary is immense and he'll say things that are so darn cute it is hard not to just squeeze him tight and laugh. The other morning he burst into my room while I was still asleep to tell me he saw a "huge snapping turtle and a cormorant" on his walk with Dad and Nova. Karl's work schedule allows him to come home most days for lunch and he always gets his day off (or if he doesn't, he flexes time). He's fulfilled and I'm fulfilled as well.

My life is amazing. I talk about poop and pee WAY TOO MUCH. All day long I'm constantly asking Ruben if "he's listening to his body" and "if it is telling him to go pee." We are on day three of potty training and I'm feeling optimistic (even though it took two type one accidents and one type two accidents this morning to remember how to go on the potty). I went to June's preschool orientation the other night with all three kids while Karl had premarital counseling. I was so concerned about getting us all there on time that I didn't realize until I sat down next to my cousin Rachael that I was wearing spit-up stained capris, a incredibly wrinkly t-shirt (better than the peed upon shirt I took off before I left), uncombed hair, and a sports bra since I had no other clean bras. So here I am meeting the other parents and teachers at June's school and I look astoundingly horrible. Not to mention that I had a fussy baby who wanted to nurse and I wasn't prepared to leak through my unlined sports bra in order to feed her. June's teacher Ms. Raupp asked if anyone had volunteered to be head room parent and I raise my hand from the corner letting each parent in the room look at me and think "yikes...maybe I should volunteer to be room parent because that lady doesn't look capable of maintaining her personal toilette much less plan a decent party for our kid's preschool class." There are now three additional head room parents.

And yet....somehow...my life is amazing.

Third Time's a Charm

When I'm in public with all three kids, I get a lot of sympathetic looks (I also get a lot of looks that communicate, "seriously lady, can't you move faster...it's your own fault for getting knocked up three times"). Lovely older ladies ooh and aah and almost out of necessity, everyone asks how the baby is doing. My answer is always the same. Iris is that perfect baby everyone dreams about. She's cute and rolypoly. She smiles at everyone (even though Dad is her favorite - he's hilarious!). And she sleeps. Every once and a while she'll cry but it is always for a reason. Either she's tired, poopy, or hungry. As soon as I pick her up and try whichever thing I think she might want, she's happy and smiling again.
I actually have started questioning how I parented June and Ruben because I must have done something wrong to make them cry for no reason. Because babies don't have to cry as long as you know what they want. That is a farse of course.  Some babies cry and some babies don't, but wouldn't it be awesome if I were an amazing enough parent this time around that my baby never NEEDED to cry.

Iris is so averse to crying that at times I worry that she won't tell me if Ruben is crushing her vital organs. His favorite way to interact with Iris is to snuggle her which means laying his enormous, heavy head on her head or torso. And then he'll nuzzle his head into her body without the word gentle even entering his mind. Of course, when I catch him nuzzling too hard (every time he nuzzles it is too hard), I tell him he needs to get off Iris and then he pushes himself up to a sitting position putting all of his body weight right on her chest. It is amazing she hasn't been smothered. It's the toddler version of Of Mice and Men.

June on the other hand is already experimenting in the codependent sibling relationship. As soon as she wakes up she's ready to hold Iris.  After lunch, it's time to hold Iris. Actually, whenever she's bored or when Iris is awake, June thinks it is time to hold her sister. It is adorable. However, it goes a level deeper. For the last few weeks, June has been coming into our room in the middle of the night and sleeping on the rug next to Karl's side of the bed. He hasn't stepped on her...yet. We keep asking her why she insists on sleeping on the floor in our room (she knows she's too big for our bed), but the only answer we get is that she's lonely and wants to be around other people. Wednesday night when I was at praise team practice, June had a pretty major meltdown at bedtime letting Karl know that she was just SO LONELY. Karl tried to convince Ruben to let June sleep on his floor, but Ruben informed Karl that since we had painted the room, it was his room and not "DooDee's." So Karl hauled Iris's co-sleeper into June's room and they both slept through the night in their own room. I miss having my baby in our bedroom, but seriously, no kids in our room all night long. That is amazing.

aaaahhhh summer.....aaaacccchh summer

Summer is half over and I have mixed feelings. Summertime (in my idealistic memory) was always a time for extra fun and treats, fun projects, and moving slow in the heat. This summer has had a lot of those wonderful things so we'll start there. We've done a lot of crafts, watched some good movies, finished our library reading program (we got a movie theater gift card as a reward for everyone in the house completing the program), went to the Lake for two weeks, hung the best tire swing in the world from our back yard tree, joined three different CSA's so we're eating lots of yummy food, and finished up a week of VBS. Each and every one of those things were super fun and enjoyable...and each one of these things has a dark side. I feel like I'm about to write a blog about Star Wars. Probably the closest I'll ever get.

First of all, our vacation at the Lake. Jedi Good Side. Amazing time with family, both immediate and extended. The first day was just the Fays and we made the most of it by paddleboating to Pokagon (all five of us) and playing on the beach. It was great fun even though the headwind on the way back made us think that we might possibly never reach Weller Inn. Nana and Papa and Brad and Susan arrived the next day (I think Pootie was there the whole time too, but she can be elusive). We spent 5 days with just our Schmidts and Schaefers. It was a blast. Nice lake days and plenty of help with the kids. Iris slept through the night every night but one. June learned to swim with a life jacket on and Ruben was content to play in the water. The next week brought at least 13 kid cousins and countless adult cousins and aunts and uncles. June, Vera, Addi, Chloe, and Lizzy played all day every day. Once Levi showed up later in the week, we were reminded how adding two 2-year old boys together somehow or other makes each one 4 times more work. And then Finn joined in the fun and I lost track of all mathematical equations. Iris even bonded with Aldo, her elder cousin by 11 days. Ruben also developed a newfound love for his cousin Matthew who was amazingly patient with what could have been a very annoying 2 year old cousin. We late night bonfires with plenty of singing, jigsaw puzzles that Susan completed way too fast, and even managed to catch a few games of cards. Overall, a pretty snazzy trip to the Lake.

 

  Now let's move on to the Dark
Side of our Lake vacation. On the sixth day of our vacation, we got a text from church telling us that our basement was flooded. Our amazing neighbors had noticed that our basement was flooding, called the fire department to turn off the gas, called the church to try to get ahold of us, and started pumping our the water from the driveway. All in all about 12 different neighbors helped pump and cart buckets and trashcans full of water out of our driveway (it's the lowest point so they were really saving our basement). So here we are on a perfect vacation the morning after a wonderful anniversary date without kids, and Karl has to pack a suitcase and head back to Palatine to figure out what kind of damage we're facing. Thankfully, Dad volunteered to join him and although I'm sure they didn't have as much fun as they'd have at the Lake, they made the most of slopping out the basement for the next two days. Karl had to stay in Palatine for a wedding and weekend worship services and was able to catch a ride back with the Hookers the following Tuesday. The kids and I continued to have fun at the Lake but even with so many extra hands, I found that I wasn't really able to relax as much as I would have liked, but what does relax really mean when you have three kids under five.

Back to Luke Skywalker, et al.
VBS was great! June and Vera were in the same traveling group and spent the week holding hands and doing crafts. Nora and Vera even came over two different days after VBS to just hang out and play for a few hours. The amazing swing in the backyard helps that. Ruben and Iris spent quality time in the nursery with Miss Dawn and I led the Preschool Bible Adventures. Super Fun and...

Darth Vader jumps in. I'm really not capable of nursing a 3 month old, leading 4 classes of preschoolers through a Bible story, and carting everyone back and forth from the house (I really mean just Ruben...that kid will not put on shoes). By Wednesday I was exhausted. Plus I had a two hour Praise Team practice to get our feet wet for the August 3rd weekend. Not the optimal day to access the part of my brain that stores piano chords and harmony singing. Let's just say I'll plan better next year. The other problem with Ruben spending lots of time in the nursery every morning is that he wastes all of his self restraint on those three hours of the day and comes home completely unable to control his body at all. Poor Nova is a popular target for his abuse when Iris is out of reach. I can't figure out if June was just extra whiney because she was tired or if Ruben was also being extra hard on her. Did I mention that I was tired after all those preschoolers? Because I was, and didn't have the extra energy available to manage Ruben's extra uncontrolled energy.

Princess Leiah (I have no idea how to spell that). We put up a huge, amazing, awesome swing that seats four kids at a time in our back yard.

Death Star. I'm pretty sure the tree is an Ash tree and we're going to have to try to save it before the Emerald Ash Bore kills the tree.

Those adorable little bear things. We get a half bushel of fresh, organic veggies each week and right now are in our first week of four to receive 5 lbs of blueberries each week. Starting late August we'll start with 75 lbs of organic apples. Oh, and did I mention that the pick up location is closer than the grocery store and I don't have to leave our subdivision. It's easier than grocery shopping. I paid online and I essentially go through a drive through to pick up my food (I park on the street and leave the kids in the car and pick up on a front porch). We've tried some great food. My new favorite dark green is swiss chard.

Another darkside creature.  Fennel.

Summer goals

Summer's now in full swing in the Chicago suburbs with the requisite thunderstorms and beautiful days and the lawn that needs mown constantly. Did I mention that our lawn here in Palatine is probably three times the size of our Davenport lawn which is great, but we just have a little push mower that is self propelled only by using your legs. In fact, Karl is out right now after getting the kids in bed trying to get a decent start on the mowing before the sun goes down. Last week I mowed two sections during two of Iris' naps and Karl finished the mowing and trimming later in the week. So goal #1 is maintaining the house to some decent standard of care that includes the inside of the house as well, but neighbors can't see in so it doesn't matter quite so much.

For the kids, I feel like this is the first summer where I need to set some goals for myself and for them so we can really celebrate the fact that it is summer after our long school year of transitions and hard work. I'd like the goals to include some learning things, some creative things, some things to avoid (like the inevitable tomato-red sunburn), and a lot of really fun, adventurous things. I'm not setting out all the goals right now because I'm not that type A but each week I'm trying to do something new and fun as opportunities arise.

We've already enrolled the whole family in the summer reading program at the library. The kids and I already collected our halfway prizes so I think we'll probably finish shortly after our trip to the Lake. June is especially hooked. We've read the whole "My Father's Dragon" series together and I'm looking for another series with short chapters and pictures on most pages to start in on. Her reading comprehension is really pretty good once she gets into the story. I find it helpful to ask her a lot of questions and involve her verbally for the first chapter or two as the scene is set and characters introduced. Once the plot thickens she is entranced. I love that my daughter is already showing signs of loving literature as much as I do.

Ruben's big adventure for the summer so far has been his trip to a Cubs game with Uncle Blake, Aunt Sarah, and Karl. They took the train into the city and then public transit up to the stadium. I assumed he would focus mainly on the train trip as the excitement of the day, but that night as I talked to him in bed, he really had a firm grasp on the game of baseball even though they spent very little time talking about it while at the game. "The one guy throw the ball. The other guy, like, bat the ball. He hit it really really hard. And then the guy with the big thing on his hand like get the ball." yep. sounds right to me.

My goal for Iris revolves around sleeping. Last week she slept through the night five out of seven nights. I'm not publicizing this too much to avoid the wrath of all those other parents out there who have infants and babies that don't sleep. I know I'm lucky and I thank God every day for a daughter who sleeps because no parent should have to function without sleep. But I know plenty who do.

For myself, I'm experimenting with food this summer. We've joined a CSA and I'm getting a half bushel of veggies every week as well as a half pound of some variety of cheese. We've had one week so far and I've made arugula pesto (okay), radish/nectarine fresh salsa (quite tasty), pea and asparagus pasta (standby), roasted sunchokes and purple potatoes (sunchokes - okay, purple potatoes - really purple!), scallion and corn quinoa salad, beef lettuce roll ups (fresh cilantro and mint - super super yum), Southern Fattoush (Israeli bread salad - super yum), and rhubarb upside down cake (ready for when Karl comes in from mowing). I love cooking especially when I get to use such great fresh ingredients. It challenges me to have new ingredients in rotation and I hope to find some new favorites. (Oh, and I'm hoping that all these fresh veggies can help me get back to pre-pregnancy weight sooner rather than later)

My other goal is to be able to run a 5K by the time I leave the Lake. The circuit at the Lake is just over 3 miles with a really decent hill. I have run 2.4 miles so far all on flat ground and try to get out 3 times a week to run at least 1.5 miles. By the time I leave the Lake I'd love to be able to run the whole circuit. I had the same goal last year and would have made it but the last few days of vacation were interrupted by Typhoid Levi and running didn't sound so fun when I felt like I should puke. Let's hope this year we'll avoid communicable diseases altogether.

My other goal is to do a lot of "projects" and "boredom busters" with the kids. June lives for "projects" and Ruben can be convinced if the project involves food or cool materials. So far we've made gak, cookies, bleached shirts with cutouts, made Karl's birthday present, made edible dirt, and colored lots of pictures. Thank you Pinterest for unlimited ideas for this goal.

Oh the Park!

Our new house is 7 doors down from a really great playground and park. There are two school playgrounds within a half mile and another public playground just over half a mile away. If we walk a little over a mile south we hit a large park on a lake (two playgrounds, long walking trail around the lake, paddle boats, etc) and in the surrounding neighborhoods another nice playground. There's another park southwest of us that is technically walkable but I find it most useful as a stopping place when we need to waste time after a trip to the library or church or grocery store. Those are just the parks within walking distance (I define walking distance as the length of sidewalk I can traverse with 80 lbs of kid in a double stroller and 12 pounds of kid in a carrier of some kind). Within 10 minutes of our house there are too many parks to count but we've started hitting the ones we've found. Now that area schools are out of session I'm sure we'll have even more fun at parks, but the following is a description of our particular interactions at the park.
June - June's goal at any park is to make friends. In fact, if she can ascertain from halfway down the block that there are no "friends" at the park, she gets pretty depressed and may not even want to go to the park. A friend is defined as...well, anyone really. She would prefer a 4 year old girl but if not that then a boy of similar age will suffice. Big girls are intimidating but definitely intriguing. She may spend the whole park visit standing on the curb just watching and listening if there are enough big girls there. Toddlers are fine, but June tends to strike up conversation with their mothers once she realizes they aren't interested in playing with her. Conversation is as follows, "Hi, this is my brother, Ruben, he's two. That's my mom and my baby sis-tah. I'm four." Sometimes she'll approach moms of older children who have decided not to play with her and ask his/her mom if the child will play with her. She's getting pretty bold. Tonight there was a really tall two year old girl playing with her parents and older brother. The girl loved to run around and every few minutes you would see June running after her yelling "you want to play with me." The girl didn't even acknowledge June's presence but that didn't dissuade June from trying.
Ruben - Ruben goes for the smallest toy available may it be sand, dirt, woodchips, or pebbles. These toys must be piled, dumped, moved, and thrown - although we're working really hard on remembering not to throw them at all and have managed to at least keep him from throwing them at people - unless that person (babies included) first throws the woodchips/sand/dirt at him. Then all's fair. Ruben has yet to meet a climbing apparatus that he can't climb. His particular favorites are the climbing walls. He's wary at first and asks mom or dad to watch him but once he's got the hang of it, he shimmies up the wall super fast. He and June both prefer to play on playgrounds without shoes no matter how hot or uncomfortable walking on woodchips may be.
Kendra and Iris - Iris spends most of her time at the park in carriers of some kind. Since my cousin Rachael is emptying out the house and getting rid of all her baby stuff, new and exciting carrier are keeping us busy trying out what works best. For long distance walks I prefer the Ergo so I can switch Ruben to my back when he gets tired of the stroller and Iris can hang out with June in the double stroller. Short distances I prefer the sling for quick transitions and my new long wrap (Storchenweige) for when I know I'll be standing around for a while. I try to strike up conversation with anyone who's there (maybe that's where June gets it). Today I had a long conversation with a mom of a 19 month old about breastfeeding, yesterday I talked with a mom and grandma about the Renaissance Festival, last week I talked with a really skinny Polish mom about how much milk was too much milk for her 3 year old, and every once in a while I'll actually see someone I know (or someone who knows someone I know). With every relocation I've become more and more comfortable striking up conversation with complete strangers - I know from experience that these could be my new best friends.

Our first month as a family of five

Wow! Where has time gone. It seems that first crazy week might be a compact reflection of life going forward. Iris is five weeks old and last night slept through the night (10-5:30). She probably would have slept through the night the night before last as well but I woke her up at 3:45 to save myself the effort of getting up to pump. Her typical day look like this. Wake up at 5 to eat, sleep til 8, eat again, sleep until lunch time, eat again, sleep until  4, wake up and be fussy while I try to make dinner, eat (usually when I want to eat), stay awake until 9ish, eat again and hang with mom and dad after the kids go to bed, sleep some more. We've started to get glimmers of smiles from her during her awake times, but mostly she's a sleeper. We left her last night with the McCabes while we went out to eat with some couples from church. That was her first full bottle, and it took her forever - probably because she more used to having food shot into her mouth rather than having to suck it out herself.

Iris was baptized on Sunday, May 12 at 11 am. Karl finally got to baptize one of his own kids. Blake and Sarah Ramsey are her sponsors and managed to view the baptism via video chat along with Aunt Betty and Rick and Pam. So at first, it was just Karl, Iris, and I at the front of the sanctuary, but Ruben soon joined us.  I woke Iris up about 10 minutes before the baptism to give her some time to calm down before getting dunked. She stared quietly at Dad while he talked and then when he was starting to get longwinded fussed a bit to get things moving. Karl's pretty liberal in his water pouring, but Iris stayed pretty calm during the actual baptism. At the after party at our house, Aunt Julie, Uncle Paul, Aunt Jane, and Papa quickly identified the shell Karl used to pour the water as a shell once owned by Mort and Dolly. It was used as an ash tray for years. I'm sure there's significance there theologically, but don't think too hard about it. I just found it impressive that my aunts and uncle could identify that particular shell from across the room. It looks like any old shell to me. Other friends and family that came for the event were Great Grandma Schaefer, the Casads, the Schmitzers, the other Fays, and the Hookers. It is so great to be close enough that we can share these life events with so many great people.

Enough about the baby already, right?! 

I"m pretty sure Ruben thinks this in his mind at least a couple times a day. The thought is quickly replaced by "oooh...I feel like kissing that baby" which he does with much frequency. Unfortunately, she's most susceptible to his kisses when she's sleeping and his kisses are not tender, soft pecks. They involve both hands on her head, lips pressing, a bit of slobber, and a loud smacking sound. 

Ruben's big trick lately is his ability to fall asleep anywhere. We're in the stage of the dreaded 5 pm nap. Too late to keep a strict 7:30 bedtime and too early to sleep through the night, I do everything in my power to keep the child awake until dinner even if it means bribing him with Dora or M&M's. Sometimes I just can't catch him in time and I notice a sudden hush has fallen over the house. Then I go on my search for the sleeping 2 year old. 

 I can't win them all.

Ruben's new best friend is "Eee-vI" or in layman's terms Levi Hooker who is about 3 months younger than Ruben. We've spent a lot of time with the Hookers in the last 3 months and it has been wonderful to watch their relationship grow. At first, they could only interact for about 10 seconds before one or the other was hitting or screaming. Right before Iris was born, they took a turn and started playing together but as it happens with 2 year old boys, it still ended in punches and tears. Now, there is still plenty of violence but it seems to be more a part of the game even though Rachael and I discourage it outright. We don't tend to leave them alone together very long and I think we might be justified in that behavior given the mayhem that broke out at Iris' baptism party. Not exactly punches...

What will they come up with at the Lake in the years to come. Look out, Weller cousins, these two are a new breed of Wellertives. 

And finally, June. I only write about her last because she's mature enough to be patient. At least in a blog that she can't, as of yet, read. Poor oldest children are neglected when a baby comes along and June has done her best to be as cute as possible and when that doesn't work, as whiney as you can imagine. Her room has a full size closet with mirrored doors. With the hardwood floors and no real rug, it turns her room into a veritable dance studio. She's expanded her dance moves to include spinning, this adorable head shaking thing, and graceful flying wings. In fact, at church a few Sundays ago as I herd kids out of the pew to go to communion, June pulls out her imaginary wings and gracefully flies up the side aisle. Ruben exits the pew next, sees June flying and jauntily flaps his wings behind her...all the way to the front. 

At Iris' baptism party, all three of June's best friends were in attendance - Hallie, Vera, and Lucy. When I asked her what she was going to do with all three of her best friends, she got this intense look on her face and said, "I'm just going to take all of those girls into my room and play." When Hallie had to leave, June was pretty sad because I'm pretty sure she thought Hallie was moving here for good. So sad :(

I do envy June though. A sister is something I always wished I had (Katie and Starla, you guys count, but you never lived in my house long enough). June is a marvelous big sister and loves to help dress Iris -  morning, noon, and night. She also loves to hold her, but quickly gives her back if she starts to fuss. Now that Iris will actually stay awake for more than 10 minutes at a stretch, June can be found sitting or laying next to her on the bed or in the bouncer singing songs and telling stories. Iris is calmed by June's presence (almost as much as she is on alert in Ruben's). I love to watch this relationship grow because I'm watching something totally new to my experiences - the love that grows between sisters. Brad and Paul, I love you guys, but I'm glad June has a sister to love as well as a brother.