I feel like a bad parent...and it's all June's fault

It's all June's fault because she in no way prepared me for the task of parenting Ruben. He is his own child. When he learned to walk he didn't hold on to an adult's hands for balance...he just waited until he could do it himself. Now if you try to hold his hand while he walks he pulls his hand away and looks at you like you're crazy. Why on earth would he want to be shackled in such a way!

Tuesday was one of those days. Hallie was over for the day and oddly enough the five year old was the only one who took a decent nap. June was up after 20 minutes in her room and Ruben followed shortly after.  I didn't complain too much because they were playing contentedly in the living room while Hallie slept on up in my room. Ruben would make is way through the kitchen where I was working. He seemed obsessed with the pantry and kept pulling out a box of cereal and nearly dumping the whole thing on the ground before I manage to catch up with him. Then he would make his way through the rest of the kitchen. He usually had a ball or a toy in his hand that he would bounce or throw on the ground.  It was cute.  Then he started experimenting with other objects. "look mom, when I throw this golf ball on the ground it makes a loud noise and still bounces" then "Look mom, when I throw Nova's water bowl the water splashes all over myself and the floor" then as I'm cleaning up the water and setting up the little table in the kitchen so the girls can play with play dough "look mom, I found a pickle jar in the recycling container. Oh, you're reaching for it so I better throw it fast to see what happens. Whaaaa it shatters!!!"
I pick up Ruben, hustle the gaping girls from the kitchen, close the pocket doors to the kitchen and start cleaning up the glass that has shattered all over the floor.  As I do this, I'm divided between praying for patience as Ruben sticks his little arm around the pocket door and screams and laughing to myself because the mess on the floor is just astounding.  Since no one got hurt, and it was only a pickle jar, I am in pretty good spirits but definitely drained from the constant looking out for what Ruben will do next and all the cleaning. I manage to occupy the kids, get Hallie off to her house, and get dinner on the table without much more excitement. However, after dinner I put a plate of leftovers on the floor for Nova and leave the room to change the diaper laundry over to the dryer.  As I get to the bottom of the stairs (by the way, it is only 3 steps down to our basement), I hear the sound of a plate scraping across the floor.  Nova has been known to move plates, but in the 4 seconds it takes me to turn around, see Ruben with the plate in his hand, and lunge toward the kitchen, Ruben manages to throw the plate on the floor as well shattering it to bits.  He's upset of course because his toy is now broken and mom has once again shuttled him from the room and closed the pocket doors.

Things on today's to do list included: put a latch on the pantry, use pocket doors whenever Ruben's playing in the living room to keep him from going through the kitchen, and blame June for my bad parenting because she never needed to do physics experiments on our kitchen floor.

Where Ruben Is?

I dislike that my kids don't sleep through the night regularly, but I do love the cute things June says when she's pretty much still asleep. June will get out of bed, come out to the landing at the top of the stairs and say something.  I can tell what level of alertness she is by how loud she asks the question. She'll either whisper/whine something like "I wake up. I don't want to go potty" because I always ask her to go potty as soon as she gets up. On the other end of the spectrum is the super happy June who is awake and ready to play.  She says in a piercing voice, "Where Ruben is?" because the first thing she wants to do is act as an alarm clock for her brother.

As a former English major, I've been struggling with the grammatical structure of this sentence. "Where Ruben is?" however, is not as bad as "Where you is?" which I've actually started to correct. Either she can ask the question with the sentence structure out of order or the form of the verb can be incorrect, but my ears cannot tolerate both a sentence structure and verb form error simultaneously. Thank you, Mrs. Schaefer, for making me cringe every time my daughter asks me where I am.

A weekend with multiple personalities

What a weekend.  After the horrors of Ruben's birthday and the subsequent relief from the rescue brigade, I wasn't sure I was ready for the weekend we had planned.  Nana and Papa arrived Friday night, Kory and Cara were coming with the kids Saturday morning, Great Grandma Bev might show up Saturday afternoon, and then Saturday night we had invited nearly 20 people over for a big birthday bash. Oh yes, and then there was Sunday, where Karl preached and we had trick or treating and Bible Study. YIKES! All this on very little sleep.

Let's start at the top.  Friday night, we bit the bullet and let Ruben open all his gifts.  When I say we let Ruben open his gifts I do mean that June waited patiently for Ruben to open his gifts for about 15 seconds and then "helped" Ruben open "his" gifts.  Ruben was definitely more interested in the packaging than the presents in most cases, but June thought the gifts were awesome!

Then Nana and Papa showed up and then Nana and Mom left to go to Uncle Paul's concert while Papa and Dad stayed home to "babysit" (did I mention it was game seven of the World Series and Papa's team, the Cardinals were rallying for the win). The concert was great as expected, then the game was great because the Cardinals won and then sleep was great because I slept through the night (Ruben's 3:30 fussing was handled by the very light sleeping Nana - Thanks, Mom). Things were looking up.

Kory and Cara showed up with the kids and since it was shaping up to be a beautiful day outside we spent some time at the park and even managed to get a picture of all nine of us standing together. It's hard enough to just get a picture of the kids together much less try to find someone to take a picture of all of us!

We had a great time playing with the other Fays - now that everyone is getting older we're really starting to see some good interaction between the kids. June and Lucy are both two so it is hard for them to understand how to play with each other since they're both used to playing with siblings/friends who are 4-5. Each time we get together I see June have just a little more attachment to them as friends, not just family we pray for.

 

The guys (Papa, Dad, and Kory) went to a sports bar to watch a K-State Football game during nap.  I finally spent some time preparing for the impending party, but no fear, Super Nana was there to save the day.  She had already baked two batched of cupcakes, done two days worth of dishes, cleaned out the microwave - sorry about that one, it was gross, organized the toys in the living room, and generally turned the house into a hospitable space to throw a party. Thanks Mom!

Now it was time to party! Karl grilled chicken on the grill as everyone showed up.  The Schmitzers, Tuckers, Carol and Lee Lindquist, and Jan Willard all came. Even though the invitation said no gifts, not one person listened and Ruben ended up opening gifts toward the end of the party.  After some time to socialize and a delicious meal it was time for the cupcake bar.  I gave Ruben a mini cupcake with chocolate frosting.  I figured I'd give him another one if he liked it well enough.  Everyone gathered around to watch him tear into his cupcake...except there was no tearing into it.  We must not give Ruben enough food items larger than bite-size because he didn't know what to do with this huge food item.  We seriously sat there for at least five minutes watching him pick at this mini cupcake before someone finally broke it apart so he could eat it.  Even then, he wasn't exactly excited about the treat.   Oh well, more sugar for the rest of us.

On to Sunday! The morning was fairly normal with a Karl preaching but we were sleepy afterward. By four o'clock we were in costumes and headed over to Jan's house for our one neighborhood trick or treat foray. What do you think?  Are these two cute elephants?

Over to the Schmitzers for some more trick or treating.  Erika and David Bremer joined us for the trick or treating and then the Tuckers came after trick or treating for Bible Study.  It was fun to see everyone in their costumes.  However, it was fairly difficult to get them to hold still long enough to take a picture...I think the sugar high might have been the problem there.

What a fun birthday weekend! I imagine that we will have many more weekends like this since unlike my birthday and Thanksgiving, Ruben's birthday will always fall close to Halloween. I hope he likes dressing up for many more years.  

The Rescue Brigade

Ruben's birthday snuck up on us.  It was the beginning of October and then all of a sudden, Ruben's one! However, I truly hope that Ruben doesn't have a birthday like this ever again. Earlier this week Karl and I were surprised by two nights in a row of sleeping through the night. Therefore I was fairly surprised on Wednesday night that he was awake nearly all night. Seriously, all night. I joked that he was reenacting last year's night of the 26th where I spent a lot of the night with contractions keeping me up. On the 27th, I think Ruben spent about 1 hour total not in my arms or in the sling or wrap or crying in bed. He was miserable. He drooled constantly and couldn't even sleep.  We tried teething tablets, tylenol, but all that seemed to work was snuggling. Correct that, I had to be standing and bobbing with him upright in my arms wrapped in a blanket. If I tried to sit down when he fell asleep he'd wake up.
When Karl got home from church for dinner it was evident that I was at my wit's end so he took the kids on a walk while I finished dinner. On the walk, he called a few friends to see if anyone was free to come help me out because he had to preach at church that night and didn't want to leave me alone again with such whiny kids. The Rescue Brigade (Annette and Rebecca Casad) arrived shortly after Karl left for church.  I don't often ask for help in these kind of situations, because I'm perfectly capable of surviving through the whining. However, the sense of relief that flooded my body and mind when Annette and Rebecca took the kids to the basement to play was astounding.  I would have survived the night, but last night I was able to thrive. I had been treading water all day barely keeping my head above the water but with two free arms I was able to tackle a few house projects and take back the night. Rebecca played with June - I think they completed every single puzzle we own. June was in heaven with such intense one on one attention after a day of trying to weasel her way between Ruben and me. Ruben played and eventually fell asleep with Annette leaving an enormous drool blotch on her shoulder. What a blessing to have such loving and willing servants serving with us at Trinity.
Throughout the chaos we didn't even open Ruben's presents on his birthday. We'll pretend he's not one year old yet and celebrate on Saturday with the family.  Let's pray his mouth doesn't deliver any other teeth on Saturday.

Crafty Fun

A lot of people assume since I'm married to an artist, I am an artist as well. Not true. I'm pretty sure I have at most only one crafty bone in my body, and unfortunately it's probably my big toe. I have developed an eye for art appreciation since being married to Karl, but still my drawing skills are soon to be eclipsed by June (we're talking months or weeks until this occurs). However, I do yearn to create  things with my hands.  I've tried my hand at crocheting - both yarn and plastic bags. I have sewn curtains for the bathroom and the nursery. I've replaced elastic and velcro in our cloth diapers. I even sewed a bunch of cloth wipes for a friend who is cloth diapering. (notice all the sewing projects only have straight lines)

Therefore, I have no idea why I decided that this year the kids are going to be elephants for Halloween and we're going to make both of their outfits. Really. Elephants.  Couldn't we have started with something simpler like dogs or cats or anything else that would simply require putting stripes or dots on a sweatsuit. But no, elephants it is. I managed to find a "learn to sew" pattern of a monkey at JoAnn's for $.99. I changed the ears and tail and added a trunk and tusks and voila. An elephant for Ruben. Karl had volunteered to paper mache an elephant head with June so that sounded good to me. We spent most of the day Saturday working on these costumes. It was a fantastic day for everyone.  June woke up Saturday DYING to make her elephant costume. Paper mache takes a while to dry and then paint so for about three days we kept hearing about how much she wanted to work with Daddy on her elephant. Here's a short pictorial glance at our process.

Ruben's Elephant Costume

$1 hard hat purchased at the Dollar Store down the street with foam-core board and painter's tape - This is what Karl managed to do before and during nap on Saturday

Paper Mache was completed on Saturday as well but it took nearly a day and a half to dry because we left it on the porch where it was too cold to dry. Monday was the day to paint!

Now we just need to convince June it will be okay to wear the hat for more than 30 seconds at a time. And that's why we started 2 weeks in advance

The Lost Week

Every once and a while, we have a day or couple days that seem to go nowhere.  No one grows, develops, tries anything new, no house projects are completed, no new books are read, no puzzles completed. This time we lost a whole week.  I'm serious. I can honestly say that we are no better off than we were one week ago (although I do believe today is payday for Karl so maybe we are a bit "better off")

It started with Ruben.  Monday night he decided to throw up...a couple times. The thing about babies throwing up is that it is almost endearing except for the part where you're covered in vomit. See, they feel so yucky that all they want to do is cuddle with their mommies. So that was gross. I think that first night Ruben went through three stages of pajama-ed to naked. I wore at least 3 nightshirts, and by morning we needed two new sheets on beds. His and ours. That was Monday night. By Wednesday I managed to catch up with the mountain of laundry just as Ruben's vomiting subsided. I don't usually do laundry all at once like this so I took a picture to prove that we have way more clothing than we could possibly need, except for weeks when we have the stomach bug - then we have just enough.

So I tagged out of laundry duty and Wednesday night, Karl tagged in. Let's see...in one load we had June's pajamas, my first set of PJ's, my second set of PJ's, June's fitted sheet and pillowcase, our flat sheet (which we'd been using as a bottom sheet), oh and random towels, washcloths, etc - I won't go into detail there. The next load had my third set of PJ's (June kept aiming), the pillowcases from our bed (the pillows are airing out on the back porch. thank goodness for latex pillows), washcloths, etc. The third load I started on Thursday morning and it was only the down comforter that had been on June's bed. I don't remember much from Wednesday night, but I can say that I have only eaten shrimp 3-4 times in the last few years because of a bad experience on a conference work trip back before vicarage. We will not be eating shrimp again for a very long time. What are the odds?! The most vivid memories I have from Wednesday night are of June and myself both curled up in the fetal position on our comforter on the floor of our room staring bleary-eyed at Karl as he changes the sheet once again (this time just to beach towels since we were out of sheets).  He catches June's eye and she smiles at him as if this is the best moment of her life, staring at her dad after having puked for the 3rd time that night. Like I said, kids are endearing when they throw up, except for the puke part.

Hallie

As we started to welcome people into our home tonight for our Sunday Night Bible Study, I was reminded once again of the amazing relationship June has developed with Hallie Schmitzer.  June had already welcomed two other friends into the house but when dad pointed to a van in the driveway, June screamed out "HAWEE!!!" And then a louder and more shrill "HAWEEEEE!!" pierced our ears as the girl herself emerged from the van. I think it is about time to recall the journey we've taken to get to this point.

When Karl first received the call to Trinity, we visited Davenport 3 or 4 times to go house hunting or just get to know the area. We would always stay with the Warnsholz's because they welcomed us with such open arms.  One Saturday morning we went to brunch with the Warnsholz's daughter and her family.  We knew that Matt had once taught at our school and giggled at the idea of seeing "Mr. Schmitzer" again.  We soon fleshed out that Matt was also a Frankenmuth native and rolled our eyes at the small world of the LCMS.  At brunch, Jill and Lois brought up the idea of me watching their youngest daughter Hallie a few days a week. At the time I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my time at home, but eventually came to the conclusion that it would be good for me to watch her a few days a week just to help out with finance stuff and to give June a playmate.

It is hard to believe, but those first few months were tough.  Hallie cried a lot and I learned early on how committed and persistent she can be. (Loyal and stubborn are two other descriptors I might use.) She was nearing 3 years old and June was only 10 months, so there wasn't much for them to play together.  I struggled to entertain them and the thought definitely went through my mind that I wasn't cut out for this parenting thing. Eventaully, we worked it out.  Hallie started to play independently much more and then started to take an interest in June. We really looked forward to Hallie days because she definitely livened up the house.

This is September 2009 - I remember this being a challenging picture to take. From early on, Hallie acted the part of older sister.  I remember teaching June to crawl backwards down the stairs in those first months of watching Hallie.  I can still hear Hallie's worried voice ringing through the house, "Backwards, June, go backwards."  She was so worried that June would forget to go backward that she would start telling her to go backwards before they got within 5 feet of the stairs.  I used it mainly as an early warning system to pinpoint at what point I needed to get upstairs to help the girls come down.

November 2009

December 2009 - As June became more mobile, she started following Hallie everywhere.  I remember playing hide and seek with the girls and it would frustrate Hallie to no end that June wouldn't hide in her own spot but always hid with her.  Thankfully, we had some good two person hiding spots, like the bottom of the linen closet, behind the crib, and of course, closets.

February 2010 - The great thing about having Hallie around is that it encouraged me to try arts and crafts and sensory projects that were really beyond June's age level.  I know June enjoyed the activities just as much as Hallie did.  Making a mess is always better when there are two kids to enjoy it. Having Hallie around also made me think about starting Toddler Tales because I was already digging through books trying to find interesting projects to do with her, so I might as well use them on a larger scale.  Hallie attended Toddler Tales for the first year and a half with her grandma Lois.  It was a sad day when I had to explain to June that Hallie couldn't come to Toddler Tales anymore because she was in her class at school. It did make it easier to swallow when I said we still get to pick her up after Toddler Tales.

That spring I also watched Sarah and Faith, two other girls from church a couple days a week. I always tried to have them over on Hallie days to multiply the fun. Hallie enjoyed playing with older kids, but June was often left in the dust behind all these kids who could run, and she was only starting to walk.

From early on, June idolized Hallie and would do things for Hallie that she wouldn't dream of doing for Mom.  Here June's copying Hallie while she sings "Pitter, Patter, hear the little raindrops." I think Hallie has always enjoyed the opportunity to be looked up to and to be the leader in the relationship.  She knows that June worships her, but she has never really taken advantage of June's affection or been heavy handed with her leadership.  Every girl needs to be bossy sometimes but amazingly, these two girls have almost always kept that to a minimum.

May 2010 - The thing about Hallie is that she has a very active imagination.  Any toy can be anything and June loves to play along. Hallie's grandma, mom, sister, and other sitters tell stories of the pretend play they were forced to play with Hallie where Hallie dictates every move they make.  I've never been party to these games because while at our house, Hallie uses June as a playmate. I have always loved standing in the kitchen cooking or cleaning and listening to the pretend play in the other room.  June listens intently as Hallie outlines how the game should be played and who will be playing which role.  Most of the time, at some point, June will not fall in line with what Hallie thinks she should be doing and I'll get called in to mediate the situation, explaining that June doesn't necessarily want to be the baby or doesn't know how the game should be played. 

August 2010 - During the summers I don't have Hallie as regularly, but often when I do have her, her older sister Hannah comes too. Already June thinks Hannah is marvelous and can say her name "Ha NAH'". Hannah's also a great set of hands to have around.  She's very helpful and loves to hold June.

One of our regular activities when I have Hallie on Fridays is to go the Bettendorf YMCA to swim in their zero depth entry pool.  The girls LOVE going to the pool and unfortunately I don't have any pictures because my hands are usually full keeping the two of them from drowning.  They push each other to try things in the water that on their own they may not do.  June wants to keep up with Hallie and Hallie wants to show June just how awesome she is as a "big sister." 

Hannah was the first person to try to put June's hair in pigtails.  I didn't even know her hair was long enough to get rubber bands around them, but this is super cute, right?

One of my favorite stories from this era is when Hallie tries to teach June to say her name correctly.

Hallie: June say Hawee

June: Hayee

Hallie: No, June, not Hayee, say Hawee

June: Hayee

Hallie: No! Ms. Kendra June's not saying Hawee right!

As Fall 2010 rolled around, we started branching out on Hallie days trying to maximize the time we spent with her. I had planned to take a maternity leave of sorts from watching Hallie mainly because I wouldn't have the ability to haul three car seats in the back of the PT Cruiser and didn't want to get stuck in the house for the whole winter. While I was looking forward to having a break from "work" I was worried how June would handle the time away from her best friend.  We would still see her often, but not for whole days anymore.  

Halloween 2010 - After Ruben was born, Hallie was the first to tell me that she thought "that baby in your tummy was a girl, but it's not.  It's a boy." She was so disappointed. Hallie and June got to trick or treat with the two new teachers, Melanie Heggemeier and Brittnie Besel while I stayed home with baby Ruben and handed out candy at our house.

December 2010

After a few months of only one Hallie day a week, our Buick died and we bought a van.  Hallie was once again back at our house two days a week and thank goodness.  June was really starting to miss her. Hallie loved holding baby Ruben but didn't ask too often to hold him, because first of all, he was a boy and second of all, now June's really getting old enough to play with her!

January 2010

March 2011

April 2011

Sept 2011

What would June's life be like without Hallie. I try to imagine sometimes what life would look like if I had said, "No" to Jill's request to watch Hallie. I know for sure that I would not be as prepared to parent a 2 year old. I also know we wouldn't laugh as much. Having Hallie as a surrogate big sister has taught June so much about friendship and sharing and fighting and playing pretend and what it means to love. Karl and I often joke about how June's world revolves around when and where we'll see Hallie next. If I'm struggling to get June dressed and in the car in the morning, I just have to mention that we're picking up Hallie and all of a sudden I have a completely compliant child.  So, for now I've spent enough time talking about their relationship, now it's time to see where it goes from here.  See you on Tuesday Hawee!